Yesterday sucked.

There, I’m just going to put it out there.  😉  It did.  I felt discouraged every inch of the entire day and I really just chose to feel sorry for myself.  Everything did NOT go according to plan yesterday.  Now, should I have expected that?  Yes.  It’s September.  Isn’t that national homeschool mom discouragement month?  You know, where all of your best laid plans get a little crumpled and rough around the edges?  LOL.

I don’t know if the move, the chaos, the medical stress, etc has just caught up with me or if it was that it was the first overcast day in the season of rain I’m dreading in the Pacific Northwest. 😉  I’m a sunshine girl, so the rain yesterday is indicative of a long, wet, overcast season.

Yesterday I was feeling discouraged.  I’m certain that friends praying for me certainly helped.  You have to love friends who will just pray for you.  Really.  There are days when they could say all the right things and it wouldn’t help.  They mean well, but it sometimes goes in one ear and out the other.  Prayer on the other hand goes in God’s ear, and it never goes to waste.

So, last night, a beloved friend sent me an email I apparently had sent her a while ago.

Today a woman posted on the Woodshed board about not having any likeminded friends. About being alone and it being so hard not having someone who can encourage you, and remind you of what you are and why you’re here. Someone to say, “Hey we’re here to point to God.” We’ve been back in Iowa and I’m back in my hometown and there are so many expectations of who I should be. I should be cute and sporty and dressing a certain way and acting a certain way and I can be “a little” religious but it has to be in a very non-obtrusive way. You know it’s cool to be about God as long as you don’t take it too far. And I think I’ve done a good job of watering down my saltiness. Lucky me… my kids know the “right” kids and they wear the “right” tennis shoes, so I get to sit by the “right” moms during ball games. Lucky me. The funny thing is, luck doesn’t feel so good. It looks good. It just doesn’t feel so good. I’ve been so all about me lately, wrapped up in appearances that I’!
ve forgotten that it was never about me. It was always about Him. And I’ve stopped pointing.
I don’t know how to get back on track from here. I have lots of acquaintances, but no real friends, and honestly, I don’t think that’s what I need right now. I would have said I need a good church, but the same trap of keeping up appearances is VERY OBVIOUSLY there… if not more than here. Sometimes I ask God, can’t I compromise? Why do you ask me to be so different? Why birth control? Why that conviction? It’s so damn hard some days. Why other things? I’m grateful for the convictions and for my salvation. It’s funny how we expect if something is RIGHT then it should be EASY.
But back to what I was saying. This woman posted about no in real life friends. And I was reminded of myself, alone in a desert (literally), apart from any other Christians for the hardest walk of my life…. He carried me through. And then He sent us friends.

Here’s a copy of my post.

Mama,

I want to tell you some about my time alone in the hopes that God will use it to encourage you as well.

In 2000 my dh joined the US Army. While he was gone, I was saved. He came home to an entirely different wife and we had to move from our hometown in Iowa to California. Talk about culture shock. We knew no one. Things were later complicated by a very hard pregnancy and in 2001 our daughter was born 14 weeks premature and after living almost two weeks, died. I was lonely. I was distraught. I needed a Christian woman as I was just a baby Christian and here I was facing this mountain.
It was hard to see then why I was without IRL friends (except for my dh whom I adore and am very, very grateful for) or family. Now, I see it. God sent me in the desert to grow me. It’s never a comfortable thing, this growing and changing. You’re pulled and stretched and contorted into something and someone that wasn’t before. The Bible was the only Christian words I heard other than MOMYS. I didn’t even belong to a Christian forum then. God kept me alone at this time.

Strangely enough, when the really hard times were past… when I had been at my lowest with only Him to carry me through… and they were gone and I was back “on my feet” finally He sent me a like minded friend. We met because I looked down and saw a cloth diaper on her baby. As we got to know one another (and I asked her several questions) we were surprised we had so much in common I think.
In 2001 she had a boy… and I had Elizabeth.
Two years later she had a boy and I had Rebecca.
One year later I had Tim and shortly after that she had her little girl.
Last year we had Abigail and she had another boy. God setting up courting? LOL.
All I can say is that these friends, these people God sent into our lives of that I have NO doubt, were priceless. They could not have been replaced by dozens of others. Over the years I’ve amassed just a couple of truly very dear friends. I do not have a ton of friends. But neither are they a dime a dozen. Truly they are women God has sent to me. Truly they help me to make good choices. They build me up. They tell me when I’ve been snappy to my kids, or have a bad attitude towards my dh. I could never say, “Ugh, can you believe he said that?” to these friends. They would stop me short and remind me of my responsibilities to myself, my family, and Christ.
Don’t fear your time alone. Embrace it. Looking back now I can see God was changing me, molding me in ways I could not have grown if I had had someone to lean on other than Him. I do not belittle my dh at all, however, the only Christian influences I had at that time were those of MOMYS digest and my Bible. How grateful I am to Him that He was enough when life was hardest. And what an amazing testimony He has given me to His greatness. He was not only able to send me a friend, but He matched her up so we would have a pregnancy buddy to commiserate with for four pregnancies.
Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.

I hope this blesses you as I did not read your original post and only read the first one I came to and felt led to write you my story about not having IRL friends. I hope it is applicable to you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My friends, my sisters in Christ, they are worth more to me than rubies.  I have many aquaintances.  I have a huge extended family.  I am very grateful for all of them.  But the few women who are my closest friends, they are the ones who pray for me when I am discouraged.  And I am the one who actively prays for them.  We are in the joy and the hurt together.  May you have a few, special, very beloved women in your life like this.  I am so incredibly blessed.  Two of them, from our time in the Army,  I have not seen in over six years.  I talk to them weekly, at least.

Pray for your sisters in Christ, that they be encouraged this day.

Pray for your sisters in Christ, that they have the strength to continue their walk.

Pray for your sisters in Christ, that they actively love their children and their husbands with the love of Christ, a sacrificial love.

Pray for your sisters in Christ, that their picture of themselves be with God’s eyes.

Pray for your sisters in Christ, that they see their children as blessings of God.

Pray for your sisters in Christ, that they have  a spirit of thankfulness.

May you be blessed on this day.

Advertisements