March 2011

Okay, so if you’ve heard any of this and I’ve been running across more and more blogs on the Anti-Patriarchal movement from former quiverfull and pro-Dad / anti-feminist families/wives then you might know there is a pretty servere backlash against quiverfull families going on.

It’s been pegged as the Anti-Patriarchal movement.  This morning on the RGT forum, someone offered up this link.

Mary Pride’s book has been targeted as one of the “initial” books in the patriarchal/quiverfull movement and it’s been a very long while since I’ve read it, way back in 2001.

However, her rebuttal is worth reading.  I thought it  well written and on topic.  It made me think.  Perhaps your little girls are a long way off from teen years yet, but let me tell you, about 14/15 you start to hit a panic mode.  TRULY panic mode.

Essentially it goes something like this:
I want her to be well prepared.  I want her to be well educated.  For what?  Oh dear.  I don’t know.  For anything?  If I push her out into the wide world of Academia are we going to lose her heart to the feminism/liberalism that exists and is crammed down student throats at even Christian colleges?  Do I want her to stay home & be married & have babies?  Really?  What if she never does get married?  Is she then still serving God or is she just serving her family and not using any of her gifts?  WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS MEAN AND HOW DOES IT EQUATE TO MY FAMILY?????

I wasn’t terrified 2-3 years ago.  Aware, yes.  Thoughtful, yes.

But, now, with three years left of my “prep” work, terrified might just be the better word.  Then I look down the line.  Okay, one son – that’s easy.   Whatever he does, he’ll have to support himself or a family.  And so he is prepared through work, service, and education.  Then Elizabeth.  Then Rebecca.  Then there’s Tim.  Phew!  Same thing, one standard. Then Abigail, Sarah, Daniella, and Baby Dassah.  Wait.  ((Did I say that?!?  Right, like I’m going to get that name, lol.  – Sorry, got sidetracked.))

It is possible I’ve overthought it.  I mean after all, all I REALLY need to do is pray, love God, and obey and serve.  Preparing my daughter academically does NOT mean turning her into a raging liberal feminist.  Gasp.  As a matter of fact, it turns out that intelligent, beautiful, well spoken, academic minded young women CAN exist to the glory of God.  And it doesn’t mean she must ever be career minded.  Moses REALLY didn’t need a plan for getting the Israelites free of the Egyptians.  He didn’t.  He just needed to love God with his whole heart, be willing to serve, and obey what God told him.  He could not have foreseen the parting of the Red Sea or anything that God did for them so that they could be free and begin the tremendous plan God had for them.  As a matter of fact, without prayer, love, and obedience to God, he would have mucked it all up.

Eight girls to raise up to the glory of God.  Eight.  Some days I truly want to ask God, “What were you thinking?!”  I’m a long shot from Suzy Homemaker, not even the greatest helpmeet even if I’m awfully attached to the husband He gave me. 😉

Ana is in her freshman year of high school.  So what are we preparing her FOR?

My mom asked me a month ago, “So what does Ana want to do?”  I smiled and said, “Well, she’d like to eventually get married, have babies, and homeschool them with the curriculum she’s working on.”

My mother, bless her, seemed to freeze for just a moment.  I think she wondered if I was serious or making a joke.

She and I grew up in different scenarios, made life choices that have colored our perspectives and have set us on different life paths. We have a shared respect for each other’s choices and, I think, most certainly a respect for who the other is as a woman. I love her dearly and I know she loves me.

Ana’s back up plan is studying law.  That is what she calls it too, lol.  Her back up plan.  She doesn’t want to be a lawyer.  She wants to study constitutional law and write papers in defense of those things she feels passionately about  – homeschooling being first and foremost.

An interesting job choice really.    Is there even such a career?

But I do go back to what MY obligation is to my daughter through all of this.

I, as her mother and as God’s daughter, must love Him, I must obey Him, I must be willing to serve.  I must prepare her for life as best as I can in according to the gifts He gave her.  And then, some day, I’ll stand by and watch prayerfully, as He parts the waters and makes the path more clear.

A discussion on DiaperSwappers:

Is your house ever really clean?

Let me interject here by saying that if you should drop by my house without calling it may appear not so clean. But generally it’s clean every day, at least once, for a little while. 🙂 Granted it may only be the hour between 5:00 A.M. and 6:00 A.M. but I still consider that an accomplishment. 😛

My answer:
I have also gotten rid of a TON of STUFF over the years.

I’ve found I feel happier, more content, more peaceful with LESS stuff.

If you have stuff, you must maintain said stuff. It’s a rule. I hate the rule, but it’s a rule and it’s true. I don’t have time to maintain STUFF. I have to maintain people. If I didn’t have little people, I could have time to dust knick-knacks, keep plants alive, vacuum twice a day (and have it stay clean), alphabetize my bookshelves, stack dishes neatly, etc. But I DO have little people. And they DO need maintenance… Pesky little things like cuddles, and snuggles. Sometimes the littlest ones even want NURSED or FED! Oy! And the diaper changes – can you believe they need MORE than one a day?!?!? Clean clothes, healthy snacks, read to them, and I guess, if you keep them home, you’re supposed to TEACH them too?!?! You can see how much time they take to upkeep!

Nope, no time for maintaining both the little people AND the stuff. One of them had to go and the State really frowns on you dropping off the little people at Goodwill. So, the stuff had to go. It was a shame. I was attached to some of it….

In other news, Doorposts has a new blog!  They are also doing a huge giveaway.  While I would LIKE to be the winner, it would be greedy of me not to share this news… Plus it gets me another entry.  One has to wonder if the link share is greedy or compassionate???

An interesting discussion and link was posted at the WoodShed this week that has stolen a bit of time from my mind.

Why One Mother Walked Away from Motherhood

Honestly? It made me feel angry, but more than just that, it was frustrating. First the end of the fathers… Now the mothers?! Who will ever think of the children? It feels like we’re banging our head against a brick wall in this society. Just because the children can keep up appearances does NOT mean they are okay. And my response to it was just bitter frustration. However, there were apparently some compassionate mothers on the board who could see the sadness in her. I admit I think I missed it. Anger and/or frustration can make us miss some of the not so apparent nuances of life. Interesting, isn’t it?

Another mama, Samantha, wrote this:
“This woman was so desperate to fill the hole in her heart that she *left her children*, and really, there is not any way she can be happy that way, b/c only Christ is going to bring her real true lasting happiness.”

Hm. That made me really stop my gut reaction and think about it. Anger works NOT the righteousness of God.

My thoughts:

“This made me think. You know, I was a little shocked to find she had been married for twenty years. They waited a very long time for children.

My guess is that she chases “happiness” thinking the very next thing will fill her up. Got married, spent years building a career, hoped finally children were the missing link perhaps? Had two. Found out they weren’t “filling her up”, opportunity entered her life. Thinking THIS would be the happiness she’d been chasing, she turns directions. Heads off in another direction, to leave her husband and her children to chase it down. Years later, begins to write THIS book, assuredly THIS will be the happiness she’s given up so much sacrifice for.

In a way… In a way, and I don’t mean it cruelly, but in a way, I hope she wins this award. If she doesn’t win it, she’ll assume all she needs to feel fulfilled is to write ANOTHER book and WIN. If she wins it and it is nothing but emptiness and vain glory, she will have epitomized her career and found out it was all for naught.

You’re right. When we follow something other than Christ, when we chase after something other than Christ, it is empty.

It is this way for career women, for mothers, for quiverfull mothers, for homeschooling mothers… Anytime we’re trying to fill ourselves up with THINGS, or REWARDS, or VISION, but it isn’t Christ, there will be that deadness, that pointlessness of life that always feels empty.”

And it clicked. Truly, this resonated with me. I understand, I think, WHY this mother made this decision.

And so what makes that blog worthy? Let’s face it, lol, I don’t blog often. But there is a lesson to be learned! Oh, yes, even for those of us who are committed mothers, or occasionally mothers who should be committed. 😉 Those of us who think we’d never abandon our children, or our families, or our responsibilities. But there are far more of us who hide from unhappiness… Seeking out one thing or another to distract us from our shortcomings. Admit it. There are those of us who feel we can hide from a cup only half filled… Filling it with froth and nothingness (hobbies, computers, time outside of the home, the telephone, a new class, etc. ) rather than the Living Water. If you are always running on empty, it’s because you truly aren’t filling the tank. And the tank isn’t filled by filling/serving OURSELVES. It is only filled by Christ.

Thank you Samantha for the reminder. I needed that. There, but by the grace of God, goes I. And woe to those of us who truly believe it cannot happen to us if we do not prayerfully stand guard to our motherhood and marriages. We must be vigilant to watch over ourselves and our families.